It all started when I decided to rock a pair of 4" leather peep toes to work. (That's a type of shoe for all the dudes out there.) It was one of those days when I needed to look extra fly. I had a big meeting after lunch and the higher the heel=higher the confidence.
Around 11am I noticed the lining on the shoe was coming up on the back of one of the heels, creating a soft flapping noise. Being the innovative (and classy) broad that I am, I decided to enlist the arsenal that is my resource library at work. We've got a myriad of adhesive solutions for finish boards, etc. Spray mount. Velco strips. Elmers. And the mother of them all: Super Glue.
Here's where it all fell apart. Apparently (as many of my co-workers tell me after the fact), Super Glue has the consistency of water. This fact, combined with my mighty death grip caused the glue to go ev.ery.where.
Now for those of you that know me, I prioritize my shoes above...well, most things. Knowing I needed to act quickly to get this sticky mess off my hands (yes, plural), I decided to try and drop a few dots of the glue under the offending shoe liner that prompted this mess so I could clean up for good. As I tried to gently push out a couple dots underneath the flap, my super-human strength got the best of me again. Glue ran out everywhere. (Perhaps I'd convinced myself that just the first part of the bottle was liquidy and it got thicker the further down you went.)
Either way, in my haste to make it to the break room (on the complete opposite side of our office), I figured that it could only be a good thing to have a little extra reinforcement underneath that liner. So I slipped the heel on and made a quick dash to the nearest sink.
I washed. And washed. And washed. I soaked my hands in warm water with some soap. 2-3 minutes later...it looked like this.
|I'm actually a little disappointed with how poorly this picture captures reality.|
I looked like a leper. And I was getting ready to meet my dad for lunch, followed immediately by my 'important enough to rock the super stilletto' meeting. How was I going to shake hands with clients and resist the urge to tell them I did not have an incurable flesh-eating disease but was merely an idiot who didn't know how to use basic craft supplies?
But wait. There's more. As my mind quickly filtered through possible solvents in the office that would undo this blunder, I looked down at my shoes and furrowed my eyebrows. Why was my left foot wet? I reached down to investigate and realized: I couldn't get my beloved peep toe off.
I had glued my foot into the shoe.
As I realized how much more dire the situation had gotten, my intern walked into the kitchen to check on me. (As I breezed past her on the way to the sink I yelled for her to google how to get superglue off skin.)
"Sarah, are you ok? I've read you can use vinegar or nail polish remover. Do you think we have either of those here?"
Leaning against the counter, I shook my head.
"Are you ok?" she asks.
I closed my eyes and sighed. "I can't get my shoe off. It's glued to my foot."
At this point, I realize I may have to hire her full time for the lone reason that she didn't immediately bust out laughing. What a kind soul she is.
"Do you want me to help you get it off?"
She deserves a raise.
"That's ok...let me see if I can do this."
Luckily my super-human strength came in handy for once and after 3-4 good pulls, I was able to pull my foot away from the shoe. I was free.
|Does the Instagram filter distract from the fact that I haven't had a pedicure in oh..say a year?|
I'm taking applications for those who interested in being my bodyguard. Apparently I need protection against my own stupidity.